Thursday, April 27, 2006

Better off dead

Headline in this morning's T&G, the publication that helps fund my existence: "Study shows death is painful"

Well no shit, you don't say. If the experience was all rainbows and butterflies, I suppose people would be lining up by the dozens to put an end to their corporeal misery, which would do wonders for tackling the problem of overcrowding in the city of Worcester now that I think about it. Apparently, for 80% of Worcester's dying population, "DNR (do not resuscitate) orders make a huge difference in ensuring that you will die a comfortable death, and they will also ensure you have more autonomy, more information is shared, and your wishes are more likely to be expressed and followed," says Dr. David A. Kaufman. Also, "We still have things that need to be done better...the goal of the partnership is to try and provide support in those areas that can lead to a better dying experience for the people of Worcester."

Call me an insensitive asshole, but reading this article provided me a good laugh this morning. While the main objective was to highlight the fact that 1 out of every 5 people who die in Worcester don't do so comfortably - which it accomplished, to some extent - the headlines were a tad misleading and the quotes just utterly ridiculous. Remember, we're talking about death - the end of all ends - not crazy orgasmic sex. Naturally, it's supposed to hurt, but then again who knows for sure. When it's all said and done (both literally and figuratively) the person is D-E-A-D. They're not in any kind of shape to tell you if it hurt or not anyway.

Moral of the story: When it's time for you to go, come to Worcester. There's only a 20% chance that it's gonna hurt.

Quote of the day:

You know when I need to die? When I'm done living. When I can't walk, can't eat, can't see, when I'm a crotchety old bastard, mad at the world. Then I can die.
- Lance Armstong

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