Monday, August 27, 2007

History lesson

8:45 AM - 10 miles, 1:05:00 - Hopedale.
Comments: 3 loops of the pond from the high school parking lot with 3-mile splits of 20:15, 18:03, 19:09. Felt pretty good for once. Got into a nice, steady rhythm in the middle but didn't go too crazy.

I'm not in much of a writing mood tonight, but luckily for you, my loyal readers, I am in a giving one. I'd like to share the following history lesson passed along to me by Grandmaster Hodgie-San, via his colleagues Professor Malmo and Master Po. Let this serve as proof that everything you'll ever need to know in life can be found on


In 17th and 18th century when Shaolin Kung Fu practice was being codified Masters would exchange information through word-of-mouth at Exhibitions. Exciting time it was. Master Igloi to Master Lee-Diard, many different kind Kung Fu. Eventually best Kung Fu methods rise to top. Much information was exchanged through KUNG FU WORLD in Kansas Monastery in the United States.

KUNG FU WORLD have many monks and scribes to make many copy on rice paper. Send writings of Kung Fu Master all around world. Many Grasshopper Read KUNG FU WORLD. Many Grasshopper benefit from writings of KUNG FU WORLD.

In 19th century, monks at KUNG FU WORLD become soiled with stain of Western world -- stain of greed...stain of money. Sell KUNG FU WORLD to highest bidder, sell to evil Monk Ro-Dal. Many evil monk work at new KUNG FU WORLD. Say "Put our writings on check-out stand at grocery store. Sell to bored American housewife, just like GEISHAPOLITAN." Good plan for pocket, bad plan for soul.

One day evil monks say "We need more Yuan, find Kung Fu Master to make false writings to sell to grasshopper." One monk ask, "But is this not against teachings of the Kung Fu Masters?" Young monk get banished from KUNG FU WORLD and false prophet Master Gai Lo-Wei now put writings on rice paper. Master Gai Lo-Wei earn credentials from association with Master Shor-Ter, Kung Fu Champion. Evil monk Gai Lo-Wei abandon Masters teachings and now teach false Kung Fu. Gai Lo-Wei partner Jun Bing-Ham banish all kind Kung Fu: tiger, snake, stork, dragon, hawk, monkey and bear, no longer practice. Now only one kind Kung Fu taught, Penguin Kung Fu.

About same time in 19th century more evil monk see much Yuan make by selling Kung Fu writings, say "I have better Kung Fu, I have New Kung Fu, I have Exercise Physiology to replace Kung Fu." These new EP monks see new Monastery to exploit for Yuan, only now not called Yuan -- now called "Grant Yuan". Monastery system already in place -- American University system. Find gullible sucker with bigger and deeper pockets filled with "Grant Yuan" -- the US Government. These new evil EP monks in white coats put Grasshopper on treadmill, put electrode up backside, have funny mask put on Grasshopper face to steal his breath, to steal his soul. Have Mantis Caliper measure skin, measure fat. Put all information on abacus and make calculation.

Evil EP monks in white coats proclaim, "Old way to measure success is no good, these writings of mine on this rice paper is proof! Time is no longer way to measure success, VO2Max is now the new way to measure Kung Fu success." All grasshopper must pay yuan for New Kung Fu Calculus. All Kung Fu Master shake head, not understand selfish greed of New Kung Fu, not understand selfish greed of new KUNG FU WORLD.

During the mid 19th century and the 20th century evil monks run rampant. Spread their New Kung Fu virus to Grasshoppers across USA. Each year, there are fewer Kung Fu warrior in USA. No more Kung Fu champions. Meanwhile in the rest of the world, monks are teaching old Kung Fu with new EPO Fungus Potion.

One day, monk in CERN Monastery invent new way of printing on ethereal Rice paper. He call Hyper Text Monastery Language (HTML) Another monk Marc Andree-san in Illinois monastery invent way of reading ethereal rice paper with Mosaic looking glass. New way share writings of Kung Fu Masters: World Wide Monastery!

Which bring to 21st century.

Use the World Wide Monastery for good Kung Fu. But be careful, the evil EP monks are busy at work, hatching evil plan to control this World Wide Monastery.

Today, I hear, evil monks at New York Kung Fu Monastery want make New York Kung Fu Exhibition the USA National Kung Fu Exhibition. Evil monks at this monastery for many century ignore American Grasshopper. Say, "Kenya Kung Fu is better, Italian Kung Fu is better, Mexican Kung Fu is better." Master Po ask, "How does American Grasshopper get honor at Kung Fu exhibition at home when evil monks in New York Monastery not invite Grasshopper to Exhibition?"

Why do evil monks now want American Kung Fu Exhibition?

Master Po know answer to this riddle: for these evil monks, it has always been "Yuan". New Mantis Warrior have top Kung Fu honor walk earth from Morocco Monastery to America. Evil New York monks hatch plan to lure this Warrior to New York Exhibition, then sell TV rights and keep all Yuan for evil monastery. All other American grasshopper be damned.

Grasshopper of American monasteries must unite and fight the evil monks of the New York Monastery. American Kung Fu Exhibition must go to monastery that have for centuries support for local Kung Fu. New York Monastery must be shunned until evil monks are routed and monastery show long-term commitment for American Grasshopper.

Good shall always prevail over evil.

Quote of the Day

"Don't think. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeel."
- Rich, quoting Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Do not concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.