Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Dead to me

Yesterday I picked up a copy of Jogger's World - the one with a corpse-like Deena Kastor on the cover - to entertain myself on a slow night holding down the fort at PR Running. Right off the bat, let me say that I have nothing against Deena Kastor - hell, she's one of my top-3 favorite runners of all-time - but RW did an atrocious job this month dolling her up for the cover shoot. Luckily, I'm not the only one who shares these sentiments.

Back to the issue itself. Lots of laughable stuff in there, as usual, but a piece entitled, "The American Runner, 2006", practically had me rolling around on the floor. It might not have the same effect on you, but for $4.50, you can find out "who you are, what makes you run, and why you like Chariots of Fire." What an eye-opener! For instance, I never knew that...

* There's a 49% chance I'm running with a water bottle on my person at all times, a 43% chance I've got my MP3 player with me for the 50% of the time I spend running on busy roads, a 25% probability that I'm carrying a GPS unit with me so I don't get lost on the treadmill I happen to run on 5% of the time, but only a 17% chance I'm carrying my cell phone so that I can call someone with the completely valid excuse that my wife is ovulating, thus preventing me from actually getting my run in.

* Each year, I buy only 3 pairs of running shoes because there's a 31% likelihood I'm running 4 days a week at an average of 9-9:59 per mile.

* The thoughts "latte, latte, latte" and "slow is smooth, smooth is fast" are the key mantras missing from my motivational strategy to help get me through a tough workout.

* Eminem's "Lose Yourself" and the Black Eyed Peas "Pump It" should be two of the songs I definitely have programmed into my MP3 player when I'm blazing a trail for 16% of my 20-29 miles per week.

* Pre barely edged out my dad and Jesus as people I'd most like to run with. And good 'ol George Dubya is a more desirable running partner than either Lance Armstrong or Will Farrell. Did they conduct this poll in Florida? I demand a recount.

* 59% of the time I'd rather get laid than go for a run. Actually, I can't argue with that.

That'll do it for this entry. If the numbers are accurate, there's a 2% chance I'm meditating before I head out for my run. It's 7% more likely, however, that I'm searching for my Fuel Belt. "You won't miss me anyway", however, according to the No. 2 excuse used when certain obligations threaten to keep me from a run. Take it easy.

Quote of the day:

Don't allow injuries or other setbacks to derail your faith in your ultimate goals. Everyone goes through hard times.
- Kara Goucher giving arguably the most useful piece of advice in the aforementioned issue of Runner's World


Kate said...

dear lord that was a pretty amazing post! I have gotta go pick myself up a copy of RW! :) ...anyways glad to see the blog updated, thanks for the great chat yesterday! Can't wait for xmas to tear up the streets of auburn & discuss our comebacks :) Catch ya later mario!

love gwyth

Greg said...

There is a 0% chance I will read the copy or RW you have referenced. (Although, I'm anxious (yet apprehensive) to see this picture of Deena I keep reading about.)

Eric said...

Nice post, Mario. I've been lurking for a while. Always appreciate the humor.

Good to see you running again as well. I ended up injured around the same time as you, and it was motivational to see you hit the bike so hard.

Jorge said...

This is Column-worthy. Seriously. Good stuff.